Learning to Live With a Disability
Tips for moving forward when it feels like the life you once knew is over.
If you are newly disabled, you may be still in shock, and learning to cope with your new reality. Whether you have a degenerative illness or had a serious injury, it is a definite adjustment to go from being an able-bodied person to someone who is no longer that, and may never be that again. It may feel like your entire life and conception of yourself have been shattered in an instant.
While it may feel like your life is over, that is not the case. Yes, the life as you knew it before may become drastically different going forward. However, there are many people with disabilities who go on to lead very successful lives. With the right mindset, you can be one of these people.
Give Yourself Time to Mourn
If your disability was caused by some kind of injury–such as a motor vehicle collision or workplace accident–there will likely be trauma to process. Not only the trauma of the accident itself, but the trauma of losing the life you once had.
You may experience an onslaught of emotions, including sadness, anger, fear, and disbelief. These emotions are completely normal, and should not be ignored or suppressed. Having your mobility suddenly hindered is a profound loss, so allow yourself time to mourn the loss of your old self and your old life. You are not obligated to “put on a happy face” while you are still coming to terms with your new reality.
Find What Financial Assistance, Settlements, and Benefits You Are Entitled To
As a serious disability may make it difficult or impossible to continue to work, it is important to take advantage of any financial assistance that may be available. If your injuries were caused by the negligence of another party, you may be entitled to compensation. For instance, a workplace accident qualifies you for filing a workers’ compensation claim. Likewise, if you were in a motor vehicle accident in which you were not at fault, you may be eligible to make a claim against the other driver’s insurance company, or against the vehicle manufacturer if a mechanical defect contributed to the accident.
If your injury permanently impedes your ability to work, you may also qualify for long-term disability, social security disability, or other government assistance programs. While in many cases the amount may not be equal to what you are making before, it can at least help keep a roof over your head. Dealing with a new disability is difficult enough without having to wonder how to pay your rent on top of it. There are also assistance options through Medicaid, including resources for hiring a home care provider if you need one.
Take Care of Your Health
Try to resist the urge to give up on your health. Not only is it important to follow the treatment programs prescribed by your doctor–such as medications or physical therapy–your quality of life will be better if you make your overall health a priority. This includes eating healthy and engaging in whatever physical activities you are able to do.
Taking care of your physical health will also help improve your mental health. It is not uncommon for those who have experienced a life-changing illness or injury to develop mental health issues such as PTSD, depression, or anxiety. You may need the assistance of a therapist to help manage these issues and to develop new stress-management techniques.
Use Aids to Make Your Life Easier
Don’t be ashamed to use whatever aids are available to you to make your life easier. If mobility aids such as a cane, wheelchair, or other device helps you to get around, don’t worry about other people’s judgments. Likewise, if taking medication for pain or mental health symptoms makes your day-to-day life more manageable, the only opinions that matter are yours and your doctor’s. You are the one who has to live your new life, and there is no reason to accept a life that is more difficult than it needs to be simply to fulfill the expectations of others.
Seek Out Support and Connections
The support of a professional therapist while you are learning to adapt to your new life can give you a place to process the complex feelings involved. There are also disability support groups where you can meet and have discussions with people who understand what you are going through. While some may not be able to afford therapy, many support groups are free. In addition, you may find joining an organization or advocacy group for your disability can provide connection and a sense of purpose.
It is also important to accept help from your friends and family. They may be at a loss for what to say or how they can help, but often they are eager to assist if you tell them how. Maybe someone to pick up your groceries would lessen your burden, or maybe you just need someone to vent to. While they may not be able to understand what you are going through, and may behave awkwardly around you, don’t turn your back on those who show they truly care. Accepting help is not a weakness, it is a sign of strength.
Work on Developing a Positive Mindset
Of course, this is easier said than done. And this does not mean pretending any “negative” emotions you may experience don’t exist, or beating yourself up for taking a long time to adjust to your new reality. It’s not going to happen overnight.
However, a shift in your focus from the things you can’t do to the things you still can has the potential to change your whole outlook. Developing a meditation or spiritual practice may help with this. Cultivating mindfulness in particular can help bring your focus to the present rather than dwelling on the loss of your past life or worrying about the future.
Remember that a disability is something you have, not something you are. Even if you are not able to do all the things you were before, you are still you. You are still entitled to a fulfilling life, relationships, hobbies, and career. You can learn to find happiness in your new life, with the right mindset.